Sorrow

I felt it this morning, during a workout, strangely enough.

I follow Theresa Rowe at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q8VQY2sG1c&t=1171s (this is the particular episode) . She teaches pilates and strengthening with weights and as she leads us in different maneuvers she speaks scripture out-loud.

Today it penetrated my heart, sharply, when she spoke this;

“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18 NKJV), and then she asked if we are being contentious at times, hard to get along with.

And it continues, I was in a meeting recently discussing how to approach someone I work with who was having a harmful impact on others. As I shared how I would address this person (in a way I thought was reasonable), two of three people in the meeting suggested that I could gentle my approach. It took me aback as I didn’t perceive what I said to be harsh.

And again, as I cleaned out an old briefcase and found a personality assessment I’d done years ago, I remembered that I’d come out as a Lion/Beaver rather than a Golden Retriever or Otter which is what I’d much rather be known as. And other assessments I’ve done have come out the same way. I thought I’d just answered questions wrong, all those times (insert hysterically laughing face emoji here).

So it seems I can be overbearing. Be quiet anyone reading this who knows me. I hear you. “Well, duh! You think?”

It’s not a complete surprise.

And funnily, the verse I’ve been meditating on this month is 1 Peter 3:4.

“Let it (your beauty) be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”

Uh huh.

My husband said the other day as we talked about using our talents and spiritual gifts, that there are gifts we have that are natural and we do them without struggle as they are innate for us. But we know a quality is from the Lord when it is most unnatural for our character or abilities. He brings it to us and it points others directly to Him as He’s the one living this gift through us.

Now I know there’s a continuum, and we learn things over the years. That’s true.

But I think about my lack of gentleness, even my own unawareness at times of this lack and it brings me sorrow, for the impact this has had on others and for how long it’s taking to learn.

However, He also tell us that “For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.” (2 Corinthians 7:10 NKJV)

And for this I’m grateful.